Let’s reconnect
Friendships are a necessity, and although we are all different – and some of us prefer more quiet and alone time than others but being social is part of life. Friendships decrease blood pressure and stress, reduce the risk of depression, and increase motivation.
These benefits are due to the support we get from having someone who we can turn to, who we can relate to, and someone who we can have fun with, and share the magic of life.
Connecting and relating to others, and sharing life experiences with your tribe is extremely beneficial for your health and well-being. This connection enhances our immune system, mood and memory. Having a strong social support system has been associated with faster recovery from illness and injury, intellectual stimulation, motivation to participate in physical activities and social and creative engagements, and following a balanced and healthy diet.
Times have changed
Today’s technologically advanced world allows us to connect with anyone, anywhere. There are very few geographic boundaries. However, many of us still seem to experience a feeling of disconnect, isolation and loneliness.
Times have definitely changed – it is not often that one stays in the same town, doing the same job, sharing with the same friends over the course of their whole life. More and more people adapt their career direction, and move around. Many are privileged with international job opportunities and travel, relocating to other places. With this extended social access friends often lose touch, and social media can easily become a generic update for us to keep up with what is happening in one another’s lives.
The pandemic seemed to create a pause in our lives. It gave us a moment to stop, and really consider our relationships – across all levels such as personal, professional, business and family. As we all sat in isolation in our homes, in various towns, countries and continents we felt detached, disconnected and yet, we were also somehow united. Friends and families were unable to visit, even if they were down the road. And, as we experienced this social distancing, having connection and the meaning of our relationships began to be more valued and appreciated, and perceived differently. Suddenly we had more time on our hands, as businesses went on hold, schools closed, and we were in lockdown. Through technology people all around the globe were sharing their experiences with one another, supporting each other, making new friends, and rekindling old friendships. However, as lockdown began to lift, life became busy again, and many of the phone calls and communication came to a halt. Out of sight, out of mind, as some may say.
It is time to connect
So, who are your people? When last did you really connect with someone you once spent a lot of time with and really valued? It is often easy to say “I will call you tomorrow”, and then suddenly remember a few weeks later that you forgot to return that call. Life carries on, for all of us. We are all busy and doing our best, but it is also about balance, and making the effort to stay in touch. It is important to continue to nourish that connection and relationship, just like any living and functioning system, relationships need to be support and taken care of.
Relationships are complex, and sometimes it can feel awkward, or we may feel avoidant when considering reaching out to an old friend. However, most of the time, when friends do reconnect, it is as if the time had not even passed. The old bonds reignite, and relationships progress. But, how do we stay in contact – and really stay in contact – when there is so much going on and so much to juggle?
Be patient and kind
It is important to be kind to yourself, and to others. Life has happened, and that means events and experiences have taken place in both of your lives since you last connected. This is normal – and rather than perceiving it as a negative, and that you did not share these moments – see it as an opportunity to share your life now, and to catch up regarding what has been happening.
Stick to your truth
Be intentional when you make a plan. Many times we run into one another and say we will make plans, but it is often that we never do. So, see it through, and if you genuinely do not want to make plans, be kind and honest with yourself, and the other person. It is okay to no longer want to share your time with one another. Stick to your truth, and honour the other person. Sometimes we change, and that is okay. Spend time with the ones that bring you joy, life is too short and precious to be beating around the bush and walking on egg shells. Although it may feel awkward, it is important to be upfront and honest. Do not hold onto the past, or just spend time with someone to be polite – rather than trying to make a friendship work, appreciate what you have shared, and allow yourself to move on.
Be open and honest
Honesty is a vital factor in any relationship. Speak your truth, and tell your friend when you miss them, and how you are feeling. Communication supports healthy relationships, and just like any other relationship, through honesty, empathy and openness we can nourish our friendships, and really be there for one another to our best ability. As Brené Brown says, ““vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences.” So, allow yourself to be vulnerable, and take the chance. Be authentic – practice coming back to the present moment, and not allowing the voice in your head to influence how you behave with others. Be yourself, and accept others as they are.
One-on-one
When we spend time with someone one-on-one we are able to connect on a deeper level. Social gatherings are fun and a great place to mingle, but if you want to have a mindful catch up, and really connect, it is best to do this in a space and during a time where you can both be fully present.
Quality
Ultimately, it is about quality, not quantity. If you see the same person every day, but you are not connecting and sharing, this relationship does not add much value to either of your lives. In contrast, when you see an old friend once in a while, and you are able to value that special time together, you laugh, connect and really make the most of your experience – that quality is irreplicable. Be patient with yourself and others – life carries on, and we are not always able to connect as much as we would like to, however this does not mean we do not want to.
Pencil it in
Make a time and stick to it. Technology has allowed us access to one another, despite geographical and social distance. We make the time for the things that are important to us, so commit. Perhaps start a group chat for you and your old friends so you have a space where you can share your day-to-day lives. Maybe plan an annual event or trip where you meet up and spend some quality time together. Call to share your achievements, news and life changes, rather than uploading it on social media. Write your friend a letter, send them a sentimental package, have a video call monthly. Make it a habit to put effort into your friendship.
A fun task
Why not set yourself the task of connecting with one old friend each week. This can be meeting up for a coffee, having a video call, or even planning a fun dinner with a group of old friends! Try to connect with those who have preferably not spoken to in the past three months or more. Over the course of nine weeks you will connect with old friends. This task will bring you joy as you reconnect with old friends, and it will also allow you to be stimulated and grow, mentally and emotionally.
This article is written by Bianca Aimée Kramer.